I'm still around...

Been pretty tied down these last few days.  You know how it goes, job interviews that seem endless and go no where, filling out an endless stream of applications, or otherwise trying to round up money and food.  The story of those who are poor or homeless around the world.  Why should it be any other way?  Along the way I found a petition in regards to a specific church, I am silently watching it.  I continue to write, but I am not in the mood to.  So here is just a quick update on myself and some other thoughts.

So I have several "big" ticket items due immediately.  Grand total will be several hundred dollars, or things will get a lot worse.  I always find a way to work around but each time it gets more painful.  Once again I am in pawn up to my pretty dark green eyes (that includes my Mom's wedding rings again).  I am still looking for a place to go, but without capital that is hard (do I move somewhere where the pedophiles roam free, or somewhere where I need to sleep with one eye open gripping my fire extinguisher tight?). 

Someone shot a cat that was hanging around a few weeks ago, and he is doing all right.  It could have been a lot worse than it was, but the required vet bill hurt a lot.  Yeah, we could have dropped the cat at a shelter, but I do not trust them around here, too many people abuse animals here.  Internet was down for several days.  And this blog simply isn't making the money I had hoped for (a hundred a month was what I was hoping for). It is hard and expensive being in a tent, people seem to think that it is very cheap, and very easy to do. 

I did have my share of laughs.  A video circulated a few days back showing a guy in a suit asking for money and getting results, followed by the same man dressed shabbily getting nowhere, and that seems to fit in with my experiences of late.  It seems the more hard up you are, the harder it is to make any headway.  I love it, pull yourself up, God bless America.  Of course, when people get into trouble they always hang around with their hand out, sadly the people who could really use the help are largely ignored. 

It is almost as if those with momentary cash flow problems get the most help, while the people who are down and out are ignored.  The more responsible you were, like not having kids you couldn't afford, working minimum wage paying jobs, or being financially responsible, the less there is for you.  I guess that is why so many of the old in America are considered to economically vulnerable.  It is why so many people who are young are sitting on a bench wondering where their next meal is coming from. 

What really burns me up about much of what I see.  Israel and Hamas are still in the news over their yearly dust up.  Some infant with Down's Syndrome who was the by-product of a surrogate parent that was abandoned.  For the first time in history we have two people, who are American citizens, being treated in their home country for Ebola, and an influx of children from South American countries (of which many are saying send them back).  Yet the poverty issue is still on the back burner, minimum wage increases (which don't do much because of greed) are on the back burner, hell even coverage of Flight 17 has gone to the back burner.  The first two could lead to problems at home, the last could lead to another World War.  But this is what kills me.  The amount of attention and animals receive in proportion to all the problems we have.  Flesh eating bacteria, brain eating amoebas, global climate change, homelessness, poverty, corporate greed (and their ability to enforce their religion and speech), and so many other issues that its not funny.  I acknowledge that children are the future of this world.  When we are gone, they will remain.  They will have to deal with the problems we create.  They should be protected, nurtured, loved, and cared for. 

But the amount of attention children receive is disproportionate to their population size.  We have seven billion people on this rock, of which less than a third are children.  If you were to assume that a living wage was ten dollars an hour everywhere, eighty percent of the worlds inhabitants are living in poverty today.  If you want to bread that down further half of the population of this little burg in the universe lives in extreme poverty.  Of which the wealthiest nations in the world are truly concerned about helping them, but they allow their own to fall through the cracks. 

That is the problem I have.  We forsake our own, people like you could be, like I am, for children, animals, and people elsewhere.  I get tired of hearing the same tired retorts to my tirades, well you have a bed (all be it several flat air mattresses on a tent floor), you have a refrigerator (diabetics need them, and food storage), you have a roof over your head (its a tarp and it leaks constantly), you have transportation (yup sure do, but 99% of the world has at least a cow to ride), etc... etc.... etc....

I die a inside when someone says be happy for what you have.  Sure, I am happy for a good meal that is more than a hamburger.  I am happy that I have managed two years in this state.  I am happy that when I attended a funeral I was able to borrow a different vehicle (from another state), so I could lie to my former co-workers and friends (I don't want them to know).   Now I will tell you what doesn't make me very happy.  Being viewed as some wash out drunken drug addict that leeches off the system.  Being viewed as someone who wants this type of life.  I tell this to people often, while I grew to hate my job, while I was happy to be free of it, it was only after specific events occurred, and it was only after I was where I am today.  It kills me to have to put on a happy face every single day, to hide behind a mask that everything is all right.  Knowing full well that everything is not all right, everything sucks, and it will never be the same, it will never be all right again.

This will hang with me for the rest of this life.  That constant fear of being removed from a nice home, a crappy job, forced back into a tent, reduced to asking people for help.  The embarrassment of someone walking up and putting money on a counter for you to buy something that you have to have.  It is something that you won't understand until it happens to you.  Honestly you should try it for a month or two, it will change your life.  Wondering about your next meal, if you will be able to cover your bills, if what you can do with or without, if you really want to keep those things that you hocked for money so you could eat a few meals.  What its like to be reduced to Ramen Noodles, ground beef, and dollar packs of instant mashed potatoes.