The Victim Card...

I am going to be slow for a while, until I get over this nasty sinus infection, and get hours settled down at this new job.  Yeah, after what feels like a lifetime, I have a real job.  Still need help, but I will persevere...  I always do.  But I am taking a few minutes to address something that +WitchyWays brought to my attention, and got me to think about some things (speaking of which, she is really quiet).

So, I was talking to her about my new job, three days in and some I caught some guy getting a hummer in the changing room (I found it amusing as did the manager, I think everyone except the regional manager and one co-worker did).  Randomly she brought up some things that had happened to her, I won't get into it because honestly, its not my place to, but she lamented about how when someone who knew her personally would say how bad they felt for her and her situation, nobody would say a cross word.  Yet when she started venting about it, everyone would jump her and claim she is playing the victim card.

Well I am not a fan of playing any type of cards.  But do people like her, +Little Liberal Larry, +Eran Abaddon, and myself play the victim card when we talk or gripe about our current positions in life?  Some people would certainly say that,but I do not say that.  On the contrary, I say that we are simply venting about our situations that we cannot seem to find the exit to.  Our rants are a way of venting our frustrations without doing harm to ourselves or others.  In a way, it is a coping mechanism for an extremely crappy series of events. 

I rant and vent over things because they allow me to get them off my chest, or they would fester and eat away at me.  There is nothing worse in this world than to have something stuck in your craw, and you sense no way to fix it, and you have no way to vent about it.  But here we stand, some people scream victim card when you start trying to download your troubles.

It is time that we all take a step back and really look at who is playing what card.  When someone is talking about their life, how they are or were the victim of crime, mental illness, traumatic events, or just a shitty home life, they are not playing the victim card.  They are downloading, they are attempting to expel negative emotions, they are seeking counsel, it is a way of seeking help without specifically saying "I need help."  Because lets face it, help isn't always forthcoming, outside of the typical "It'll get better," and "I'm praying for you".

For nearly four years I have been trying to put the pieces of my life back together, and at every turn I get blown up again.  The truth is, and I think those who I mentioned in this entry would agree, if we could just drop the past and move on like nothing happened, we would.  We would be glad to not have the weight of the sum total of our lives hanging around our necks constantly.  I hear it now, in the back of what is left of my depressed brain, "But you made bad choices."  Yup, I have my share of deserved baggage, we all do.  But bad choices compound each other.  Back in the early 90's my dad made a very bad decision, one I was not allowed to voice my input over.  And without one word of exaggeration, his single choice has made every other bad choice worse.

Let me explain, he had the chance to get out of a situation with a minimal amount of financial pain, but did not want to.  He chose to continue the course without deviating because he could afford to at that time, no thought to the future.  When we finally managed to talk him into moving on from his initial poor choice, the damage was done.  From there, another bad choice, a direct consequence of the first bad choice, led us to making another poor choice, and the cycle continued on for another twenty years.  One bad choice forced because of the previous, until the weight of it all crashed down on him, my mom, and myself.   I often wonder if he had not made that bad choice all those years back, who I would be today.  Would I have experienced the things I did, would I have been homeless, or would I be sitting at some nice job, would I be married, have children, and have enough to live a comfortable life free of constant degrading and harassing phone calls over money?

That is me, but everyone must remember that most people feel that way.  Where would they be if not for the bad choices they made, but those that others made.  We seem to neglect that the choices we make have effects on others.  If I chose to not go to work, someone is going to be forced to stay longer or come to work, which messes up their choices.  So, how does playing the "victim card" play into this?  Suppose they get online and rant about a co-worker not coming to work, so they didn't go to the doctor over a nasty cut, which resulted in them missing more time from work?  Yeah, that isn't very likely, but it could happen (it was far worse when I bruised my spine and waited three days to do something about it).  Are they crying victim?  No, they are simply venting about their situation. 

So, lets leave this post at the following.  When you see someone jumping up and saying that another person is playing the "victim card", I will say that you, as a witness, say something to that person about it.  Remember that sometimes people cannot see the path out of their situation, they were dragged down by the stone of their life.  And we also have to keep in mind that people are victims, they are victimized everyday, and telling them to get over it, does not help, it just weighs them down more.


Authors notes:  I started writing this over a month ago, and then backdated the post.  If not for one of the other authors on this blog, it would have been sitting for another few months.  Depression is a hell of a thing.